Warcraft (2016): It could’ve and should’ve been much better

What is it about?

The Orcs fucked up their planet and have to find a new planet to call their home. Their leader Gul’dan is some kind of black magic voodoo motherfucker and you immediately know he is pure evil. He creates a magic passage to Azeroth, a world of humans. Gul’dan gets to Azeroth with a small army of bravest Orcs and naturally, they kill and enslave anything in their path. Fucking orcs. Always stirring shit up.

Humans are just too weak to defend themselves. I mean, compared to Orcs, humans look like toddlers. Have you ever seen a toddler fight? Let me tell you, it’s inefficient.

So now humans have to rely on magic and a weird Guardian called Medivh. He’s so weird…

Who should watch it?

  • Should I watch it with my kid(s)?

    Only if your kid is old enough to play WoW and he is familiar with slaying various creatures in order to achieve eternal glory. The movie is full of violence, although, there is barely any foul language to be heard. No nudity either, which makes me sad.

  • Is it good to watch on a date?

    Only if you are both into World of Warcraft.

  • For what age and gender is it intended?

    For anyone who likes WoW and even for older people, like me, who grew up with Warcraft 2 in the late 90’s. It was nice to reminiscent about the good old times when games had horrible graphic but were rich in content. Good times…

What can I expect from this movie?

  • Will I fall off the couch laughing and have sore abs the next day due to laughing too hard?

    No.

  • Is my brain going to implode trying to figure out the movie?

    No.

  • Will I learn anything from this movie?

    Yes. When you fuck up your planet, it’s perfectly acceptable to find a new one and then kill or enslave everyone on that planet, because that is now your planet. This is good to know because we will probably have to do the same at one point. Because let’s face it, our planet is doomed.

  • Is it based on something?

    Yes. It’s based on World of  Warcraft video game franchise.

  • Is this movie a must-see?

    Only if you are a hardcore fan of WoW.

Similar movies like “Warcraft”?

Well, if you like to see humans and Orcs bashing each other’s skulls, you can always check Lord of The Rings trilogy.

Judgment time!

I used to play Warcraft 2 in the 90’s and then Warcraft 3 and WoW later. I quickly gave up on WoW because I got hooked way too hard and decided I don’t want to spend my life playing a video game. But I always remained a fan of WoW universe and was very excited when I heard they will finally make a movie about it.

Unfortunately, “Warcraft” didn’t really fulfill my expectations. It could have been so much more. There was so much potential to make this one of the most epic movies of 21. century. What we got was anything but. CGI was great, but some scenes were horribly edited, butchered almost. I don’t know what the hell happened. And the story is rather thin. Basically, aliens attacked us, and at first, they were stronger and wiped the floor with us but then we regrouped and kicked their asses. Seen way too many times.

I am honestly surprised that it has such a high rating on IMDB. Right now it has 7.3. I’m guessing it’s because there are lots of WoW fans who are just happy that there’s any movie about WoW and it doesn’t matter if it’s good or not. Its sole existence is already enough to earn it a high rating.

The critics fucking destroyed it, though. And the way it looks right now, it failed at the box office as well. So far it earned less than 1/3 of its investment and only major sale and renting of DVD and Blu-Ray can save it.

I give it 5/10.

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